July has been an interesting month thus far. It all began with the most thought provoking holiday I had ever experienced. One that has made me question far more than I ever thought possible. Majority of what I learnt I will save for another day. Today, however, I will focus on how it has impacted my running!
I have recently realized that I began this journey with the wrong intentions. Originally, my purpose was to ‘gain control over my life’… which to me truthfully meant to lose weight and stick to a training schedule so that I could run as fast as “everyone” else. Like many others, I believed that if I was skinnier and a faster runner I would be accepted. Boy was I off my rocker, Silly Me!!!
As it turns out, both of these reasons had absolutely nothing to do with me and what I needed or wanted; therefore I have failed. As they say, hind-sight is 20-20, so in hind-sight I should have expected not to be able to reach my goal with such silly intentions.
On July 2, I missed my first 5km, and since then there have been more. It has taken me 22 days to come clean with you. In the beginning it was because I was ashamed, and worried about what you might think. But this week, after much self reflection, I have come to a very important realization…
I can only control my own thoughts. The only person I let down was ME! In order to succeed in anything in life, I NEED to accept myself and have faith in my abilities.
As I read back through my blogs, it is more obvious in some than in others, that maybe somewhere deep inside I have always known this… but for some reason, majority of the time it eluded me.
I think sometime between the early stages of childhood and our pre-teens, we start to let what we believe others think about us, control us. We forget the importance of our own dreams and fulfillment.
With this realization at the forefront, I am going to continue my self-reflection. I need to find the answer to some very important questions…Why do I run? What do I gain from it? How does it fit into who I am? Until then, I will continue with my journey of self discovery, which running is still a part of (at some level).
